Setting Limits in Therapy: Scripts for Every Situation
By Kristen McClure, MSW, LCSW | TherapistWorksheet.com
The word “boundaries” gets used so often in therapy that it has almost lost meaning. In clinical practice, what we are really talking about is the therapeutic frame — the structure of the relationship that makes the work safe, consistent, and useful. This guide covers how to set and communicate those limits clearly.
What “Limits” in Therapy Actually Means
The therapeutic frame includes everything that structures the relationship: meeting time, location, fee, session length, between-session contact, confidentiality, and the asymmetry of the relationship itself. These limits are not arbitrary — they are what make the relationship a therapeutic one rather than a friendship, service transaction, or something else.
When we talk about “setting limits” with clients, we are usually talking about one of three things:
- Structural limits — time, fee, session format
- Relational limits — contact outside sessions, self-disclosure, social connection
- Clinical limits — what falls within your scope of practice
Why Limit-Setting Is Hard
Most therapists find limit-setting uncomfortable because it can feel rejecting — particularly with clients who have histories of abandonment, emotional deprivation, or rigid caregiving relationships. The discomfort is a clinical signal, not a reason to avoid the conversation.
Common reasons therapists avoid limits:
- Fear of damaging the therapeutic relationship
- Guilt about “taking” money while limiting access
- Overidentification with the client’s experience of deprivation
- Uncertainty about what is appropriate
- Countertransference around the specific client or request
Scripts for Common Limit-Setting Situations
When a client asks for longer sessions
“I notice we’ve been running over our time lately. I want to be thoughtful about that — there are both clinical and practical reasons I hold the 50-minute frame. I wonder if we can look at what’s happening when we get to that point in session. What feels unfinished?”
When a client wants to text or message between sessions
“I understand the impulse to reach out when things are hard — that makes sense. My policy is [X]. Outside of genuine emergencies, I find it’s more clinically useful to bring what’s coming up between sessions into our next meeting. What would it mean to hold it until then?”
When a client asks to meet socially
“I appreciate what that says about how you feel about our relationship. The reason I don’t socialize with clients isn’t about not caring — it’s that maintaining the therapy relationship as distinct from a social one is what makes it useful. I want to keep it that way for you.”
When a client makes a request that is outside your scope
“That’s outside what I’m able to offer here, and I want to be honest about that rather than try to stretch to meet it. What I can do is [X]. For [the other need], I think a referral to [type of provider] would serve you better.”
When a client pushes back on a limit
“I hear that you disagree with this limit, and I want to understand what’s behind that for you. I also want to be clear that [the limit] isn’t something I’m able to change. Can we look at what this brings up?”
When Limit-Setting Itself Becomes Clinical Material
How a client responds to limits is often more clinically rich than the content of sessions. A client who becomes furious when a session ends on time, who escalates contact after a limit is set, or who experiences limit-setting as abandonment — these responses tell you something important about attachment, relational history, and what needs to be worked on.
Name it: “I notice something happened between us when I said [X]. What was that like for you?”
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it ever appropriate to bend limits for a client in crisis?
Genuine clinical emergencies warrant genuine clinical responses — including contact outside session hours. The key is that the response is clinically reasoned, not driven by the therapist’s discomfort with the client’s distress. Emergency contact protocols should be established in advance and applied consistently.
What if a client says my limits feel cold or uncaring?
“I hear that, and I want to take it seriously. What I want for you is a relationship that’s genuinely helpful — and part of what makes it helpful is its structure. Can we talk about what feels cold or uncaring about [specific limit]? I want to understand.”
Can limits be different for different clients?
To a degree — clinical judgment matters. A client with significant isolation and limited supports may have a different between-session contact plan than a client with robust external resources. Document your reasoning. Inconsistency without clinical rationale creates liability and erodes trust.
Where do I go when I am unsure whether something crosses a line?
Supervision. Always. The discomfort you feel around a specific client or request is exactly the material that supervision is for. If you are not in supervision, consult with a trusted peer. The situations therapists are most tempted to navigate alone are usually the ones that most need an outside perspective.
Kristen McClure, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist who creates practical clinical tools to help therapists navigate the hardest moments in their work.