Working with Resistant Clients: What to Say and What It Means
By Kristen McClure, MSW, LCSW | TherapistWorksheet.com
“Resistant client” is often therapist-speak for a client who is not doing what the therapist expected. True resistance — ambivalence about change, reluctance to engage with particular material, or interpersonal defenses in the therapeutic relationship — is one of the richest sources of clinical information available.
Reframing Resistance
The concept of resistance has a fraught history in psychotherapy — too often used to locate the problem in the client rather than examining the therapeutic relationship, the clinical approach, or the fit between therapist and client.
A more useful frame: resistant behavior is communication. When a client won’t do homework, deflects from a topic, talks in circles, or disengages, they are telling you something. The clinical task is to understand what.
Common Types of “Resistance” and What They Signal
Homework non-completion
Often signals: the homework was not meaningful, not achievable given the client’s current capacity, or the assignment came from the therapist’s agenda rather than the client’s. Explore what got in the way before assigning more.
Deflection and topic-switching
Often signals: approaching material the client is not ready for, shame about the topic, or a relational concern that has not been named. The deflection is pointing at something. Follow the pointer.
Intellectualization
Often signals: emotion is available but feels unsafe. The client can think about their experience without feeling it. This is not resistance to overcome — it is a defense that needs to be understood before it can be gently invited to soften.
Minimization
Often signals: shame, fear of being seen as weak or dramatic, or a long history of having their experiences dismissed. Naming this carefully can be profoundly therapeutic.
Missed sessions and late cancellations
Often signals: ambivalence about the therapy or the therapeutic relationship, financial stress, avoidance of difficult material, or a rupture that has not been addressed.
Arguing with the therapist
Often signals: either the therapist is wrong and the client is correctly pushing back, or the argument is a relational enactment worth exploring. Both deserve curiosity rather than authority.
What to Actually Do
Name what you notice
“I notice we tend to move away from [topic] pretty quickly. I’m curious about that — is there something about that area that feels different to approach?”
Get curious instead of interpretive
“Help me understand what’s making it hard to [do the homework / talk about this / continue]. I want to understand what I’m missing.”
Acknowledge ambivalence directly
“It sounds like part of you really wants things to change and part of you is not so sure. That’s a really normal place to be. Can we look at both of those parts?”
Examine your contribution
Before interpreting the client’s behavior as resistance, ask yourself: Is the approach working? Is the relationship strong enough? Am I pushing an agenda the client does not share? Is there an unaddressed rupture?
Slow down
Resistance often intensifies when therapists push harder. Slowing down, staying with the ambivalence, and not needing the client to change faster than they are ready to is often the most effective intervention.
Scripts for Working with Resistant Clients
When a client says “I don’t know” repeatedly
“‘I don’t know’ is okay — it doesn’t have to mean anything. I’m curious what happens in the pause before you say it. Is there something there, even something faint?”
When a client says therapy isn’t helping
“I want to take that seriously. What would ‘helping’ look like? What are you hoping would be different than it is?”
When a client refuses an intervention
“That makes sense — I don’t want to push something that doesn’t feel right to you. Can you tell me what feels off about it? I want to find something that actually works for you.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it ever appropriate to be direct about resistance?
Yes — naming a pattern directly is often more useful than working around it. The key is doing it with curiosity rather than confrontation. “I notice something keeps us from going there, and I think it might be worth looking at.”
What if the resistance is about me as the therapist?
That is important clinical information. If a client does not feel safe with you, understood by you, or trusts your approach — that matters more than technique. Sometimes the right answer is a referral to a different therapist.
When should I consider that the problem is my approach, not the client?
When resistance appears quickly across multiple areas, when you feel frustrated or stuck, and when supervision reveals patterns — these suggest the fit or approach may need examination. Not every lack of progress is client resistance.
Kristen McClure, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist who creates practical clinical tools to help therapists navigate the hardest moments in their work.